What so you do with a friendship that is always changing? My friendship with my friend Maria is very dynamic. It has evolved into something that is more like a "sistership" that a "friendship". We have been good friends, (at times "best friends"), have been away from each other for months at a time and have at times seen each other daily, but still have "THAT" connection when we see each other and are able to pick up the threads of our relationship and weave a new and improved connection each time we meet. How does this work? I am employed with a lot of people that I see sporadically or even daily and do not feel this same connection. Maria and I are of similar ethic backgrounds-she is 100% Hispanic and I am 50%- both of our parents worked while we were young, and so on. But really this fails to tell me what happens when a friendship takes off and becomes an alliance of two souls. This is when we lose the lines that distinguish us as acquaintances and become "familiars" to each others needs.
She is the most compassionate and fair-minded person I have ever met. She tries so hard to sound "tough" that sometimes I have to laugh at her. I always think she does not want people to see the goodness that is inside of her.
So you may ask "Why would you question what this is all about?"
Well the answer is very simple.
She makes me question myself.
Not a big deal? Well maybe not for someone who is very sure of what they believe. But I think that at my age we are all questioning what we believe in, who we can trust to be by our side when the inevitable bad things happen, what will happen to us when we become ill or disabled, if we doing the "right" things to get us in to heaven , or if we should do more for the people we serve. Maria is one of those people that make you wonder if you do enough. She never criticizes you for not doing your job. She just always does that extra step: more than you think is the norm. She always acknowledges that she ran the extra mile, but never makes you feel bad that you didn't. I work 10-12 hours daily and always wonder if I did enough. But when I ask Maria if I did - her answer is always the same.
"You can't save everyone". "You always do the best you can". "You are REALLY good at what you do."
Am I?

Today it was 80 degrees outside. OK...Not such big news, but really great for those of us who are used to 30-40 degree days. Going outside on the deck with Max (my beloved 9 year old shepherd/chow mix) was the highlight of a week that was awful, to say the least. Work issues always seem to loom larger than they probably are, although I am not sure this time. I have changed in the way I view the people I work with. A small incident (minor) took place in a meeting that set off a cascade of events that rocked my world. The folks I always thought were top-notch have been shown to have rips and tears in their armor. I am in a state of semi-shock as to what to make of all this. People I have worked with for years (and I do mean as in 15 to 20 years), have astounded me with their cold and callous behavior. I actually had to take days to re-evaluate what was said and done to make sure I was not attributing behavior to my co-workers that was not fair. There were many indicators that this was coming, but I always closed my eyes to what I perceived as faults and forgave any indiscretion easily. This is not some minor thing but something I will be working on for quite some time. I will discuss this further in other posts, but it is clear I will be doing soul searching to figure out why I was sandbagged at my job. Now back to the 80 degree day...ending tonight and will be in the 50's next week. I guess all good things end. I can intellectualize this but it is taking some time to internalize that reality in all phases of my life.