My Friend is Dying

How do you say good-bye to a friend that you work with? My relationship has always been one of his perceived "power" and my perceived "lesser-status". It is a relationship between a doctor and a nurse. We fought for over 17 1/2 years, but always maintained a sense of caring. I knew he was a jerk at times and he knew I was a shrew at times. But we always knew what it "was about" even when we fought with each other. I worked with him exclusively for 5 years as his case manager. And now it is coming to an end. He is dying. I can hardly stand to think about it. And I cannot stand to not think about it. This is the end and I am not ready. There are so many things I would like to tell him. All of them telling him what a good doc he was and how he saved so many lives. He was the best diagnostician I have ever seen in 32 years of nursing. I always told my family that if I was sick they had to call him in. Now he is dying at the age of 61. OMG.

Another month gone by and no posts....

I think about posting all the time. Then I think that what I have to say is so insignificant that I shouldn't post it at all. Then I think that there is no one in the world that knows about this blog, so I should say everything I want to say, then I think.... blah... blah... blah. What I do think is that I am not sure that what I have to say is of any value. I read other people's blogs and am so impressed. I really should not compare myself to them. I have gotten over comparing my boobs, my waist,my hips (ok..yikes to the size) with everyone I meet. Why can't I overcome this? It is not like I have no opinion. I have an opinion on everything I have ever talked about. I am just not sure it is important enough to talk about. But... But tonight I have decided that I will post everything I want to talk about. So stay tuned imaginary audience. My thoughts are on their way.