I am reading a book called "The People of the Lie" by M. Scott Peck. It's subtitle is "The Hope for Healing Human Evil". When asked to define evil most people say it is when someone is bad. He defines it as the attempt to kill life or liveliness. This is so true. We can kill people and kill their spirit. Which is worse?
I feel that for the past decade I have been attempting to right myself after all assaults and attempts made on me for who I am and what I believe. I have been called names, been consistently blamed for things I did not do, had my children berated, given the "silent treatment", listen to my man make endless racial slurs about all races, had my beliefs criticized, told that my prayers did not meet certain standards, been ignored, been blamed for bad spending habits when all I did was accept something I thought was offered to me out of love, and had to listen endlessly to stories about how holy and pious my mate was and his plans to save the world now and in end times. How did I not see how wrong this was? I had to be part of this relationship to accept his evilness, but it is only now that I can see clearly what was being said to me and being done to me. I can only assume I was in thrall of him. I believe that in itself says that he was dealing with the dark side.
His constant scapegoating of others for all of his problems should have sent up a red flag, but I was so believing of his goodness that I blamed others for what were his problems. He got fired from a good job for poor performance. He blamed the other workers because they had given him to much work, made him anxious, and did not help him when he needed it. Really? I saw this with all of his issues and only recently starting questioning him using issues I saw as patterns as a reference for why he could not work with others. The truth was coming out: I was starting to see it, and became expendable because I no longer could deal with the incessant whining and complaining about everyone else. It was boring and I do not know how I dealt with it for so long.
Again, I can only wonder how I did it and didn't see it for what it was.
I really have to praise God at this point.
I will repeat what I said before.
He did something for me that I did not have the courage or strength to do for myself.
We are apart and with that comes new vision for me.